dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have aggressive nipples.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
