I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
