ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I understand Curling. That high.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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