i would punch a child for taco bell
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
