you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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