Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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