my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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