I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
