im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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