I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
