I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He felt like a one man threesome
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
