GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
