He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Say something about gay babies.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
