If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
