Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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