i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
