rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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