I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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