So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
