It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
