i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this boner is exhausting
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
