i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
