So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
