btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
