oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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