I am spending my child support on dildos
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
