I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
