The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Randomize
