Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
