I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
