were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
