i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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