just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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