I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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