My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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