i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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