Non-Jews are for practice
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
