worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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