Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
