told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
