I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
