accomplished twins. life is a go
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
