i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dignity is for republicans.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
