to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
