I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
