after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
