it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
