i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
