Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
