i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
not ubering you a puppy
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
