Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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