It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
