I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
