the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
