I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
