i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
