i just had sex bonerless
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
